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Tuesday, December 2, 2008
2 December 2008/ 12/02/2008 09:38:00 AM

Today is my buddy's cremation. I am feeling worse now. After 12pm, there will be a last look at him. I don't know whether will I bear to take a last look. My eyes are teary now. Even in office. I am trying my best to be composed, strong , not to think about it. Seriously I can't sleep yesterday. Even when I was at the diving centre for my diving lesson, I was not concentrating. My body is there but not my soul. I am feeling damn depressed now. We are table tennis mates for 3 years ever since RP first started its operation at Tanglin. We always like to joke around, talk nonsense, see pretty girls walking past us, went out for dinner after training. The joy and laughter that we had I will never forget. The last time I saw you was in October when RP was going to have competition, we went down to "train" the new players. But in actual fact we were there for a team reunion though only four of us appeared - me, ben, dex and my buddy (Tay Seck Wang). After that training, we even went to Jalan Kayu for dinner. We were chatting happily. He was sitting besides me, together talking to coach about how to beat the monster Aldrin Ho and even told coach he is going to beat Aldrin when he next sees him but the time will never come. Afew months back, he even asked me want to join him in the Dec Standard Chartered Marathon and said we will train together but end up I will be going on my own for this marathon. I can still remembered very clearly. Sometimes when I have difficulty mastering a certain skill, he will be there to encourage me and even train me. Here I want to say THANK YOU BUDDY. We also played double together (be it competition or in training) even though we played singles most of the time. The chemistry for a double was strong between us. Now I even think of quitting the diving lesson. Seriously I cannot accept the fact and really very depressed. Even though I have paid for the lesson but deep in my heart I want to run the marathon in memories of my buddy. A person who is full of energy, cheerful, encouraging, used to be an army officer, handsome, tall, how come will commit suicide??!?! SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHY!??!?! Maybe family issues? Money issues? I seriously don't know. As what Jeremy said, he can be cheerful on the outside, but inside he has alot of problems which he will not share, we will never know. He may not be mentally strong compared to physically strong. While writing this, my heart really sink to the bottom. This is the 3rd time I lost my loved ones. 1) Grandfather passed away 2 days before I entered BMT (2006). 2) Grandmother passed away when I was on guard duty (2007). 3) Now my table tennis buddy passes away. I cannot accept the fact. Seriously cannot accept. I think I need some time to cool down.


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pro·file 18 march 1986 - weight 65kg - height 170cm - hope to get into NIE PE - wanna own a restaurant of his own when he retires - wanna own a aston martin & a suzuki swift sport
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